• Junior Edward March tried to walk a straight line for the officer, but you can only do so much with 7 toes.

• Does my breath taste bad or is it just my lips?

• The weather may have cooled off but those freshman are still in heat.

• This weekend’s Father-daughter outing quickly turned into “take a picture of me in front of this thing” outing.

• “Are you crazy?! You can’t just connect to the guest network like that!”

• Breakfast all day? More like Breakfast all year!

• You may blame your “mom jeans,” but that daily Whataburger fix has got to go somewhere.

• Hey good lookin’, whatcha got cookin’? Crystal Meth.

• Nah man, you don’t want that bitch. She’s barely beagle.

• Potato, Potahto, Burrito, Taquito!

• You can’t spell tonight without “u” and “I” baby, and I promise my sex is better than my spelling.

• Oh shit, I’m in the squeaky chair again.

• The mere existence of Le Cordon Bleu Academy proves that every stoner goes through a “chef” phase.

• An Aryan family would heil a cab, amireich?

• “I never pollinate on the first photosynthesis date.”

• That eager guy in the front of the class will finally resolve differences with that belligerent guy in the back of the class.

• “Bro, that girl just eyebrow-fucked the shit out of me.”

• The 1890s called; they had phones back then too, apparently.

• What is this, the McCombover School of Business? #36mafia

• When you’re blind, everything’s a piñata!

• It’s the great pumpkin latte, Charlie Brown.

• A bidet isn’t just European, it’s Europoopin’

• Wait, you’re not going to his party? But Facebook said you were!

• What’s with the fancy Hot Pockets? Do you have a girl coming over?

• The Philosophy department is still proud of the accomplishments their department made over 1000 years ago.

• Freshman 15, meet Sophomore Eating Disorder.

• “This iPhone sucks.” “Dude, too soon.”