Around Campus October '09

• I shall choose trick! En garde, you candy hoarding fiend!

• I’ve got a fever, and the only prescription is a non-steroidal anti-inflammatory pain reliever.

• Congratulations, Parkour. You’ve given Austin dudes yet another reason to take their shirts off.

• In this economy, simpler costumes save money, so expect to see a lot of “stressed-out twentysomethings struggling with sexual frustration” at your Halloween shindig.

• Linguistics professors still can’t contain their amusement over the word ‘diphthong’.

• Everybody will agree that they prefer corn on the cob, creamed corn, and KoЯn to candy corn.

• Stoner Jews sabotaged the holy Sukkot holiday by hotboxing the tent in the West Mall.

• If you got excited to finally own all three cows: pink cow, brown cow, and original cow, then you’re probably a horrible, horrible human being.

• Batman has been spotted on campus. Austin has a very high Batman population. If you a see a Batman on campus, do not touch him, and immediately contact University Health Services.

• Being a C-League volleyball intramural champ won’t win her heart, bro.

• Riverside residents have a great sense of humor about local crime, but only after they triple-check the deadbolt and reload their shotgun.

•1/100,000th of your tuition was just spent buying President Powers a pack of Skittles.

• Students well versed in the word “fail” and its best placement in conversations still don’t comprehend the penis and its best placement into the vagina.

• Stadium event staff will be shocked when they find Bevo pounding the Chick-fil-A cow in the bathroom during halftime.

• I guess Mr. Weather saw you in your wool cap and sweater and decided to send a cold front.

• Merely saying “OU sucks” fails to acknowledge that they also blow, blunder, and, on occasion, dabble in the fine arts.

• Mark your calendar; online registration for next semester starts once all the classes you want are full.