Rousing Rabble at the University of Texas at Austin Since 1997
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Wario a’gonna win

KOOPA TROOPA BEACH—Mario Grand Prix driver Wario announced prior to the opening race of the Mushroom Cup last Saturday that he’s a’gonna win. However, soon after the race began, he slipped on a banana peel and was struck by two red shells, thus ending his hopes for victory. “A YA YA YA,” said the notorious villian as a Lakitu fished him out of the water. “WAAAAH,” he added. Wario ended the race with an embarrassing 7th place finish, ahead of only Yoshi, who spent much of the race going the wrong way. The race was won by longtime rival Mario, who could not help but boast following his victory, “Hehe! I got it!” Although Wario was visibly upset at the sight of his arch rival receiving the coveted Mushroom Cup trophy from the mouth of a giant fish, he took the defeat in stride and promised to exact his revenge when the two meet again on the ever-dangerous Toad’s Turnpike.

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