Freshman Already Burns Bridges With Every Forty Acres Bus Driver

AUSTIN – In a feat of human aggravation, government freshman Taylor Reed has managed to burn bridges with every Forty Acres bus driver just two months into his undergraduate college career.

Sources state that the 18-year-old Plano native has done what often takes years and is mostly considered impossible by social scientists: piss-off the jaded bus drivers who work in a monotonous routine day-in and day-out.

“That little shit spilled coffee on the second day,” veteran driver Cheryl Stevens complained. “I had to wait ‘til I took my [10-minute] break to clean it up. By then the entire aisle was sticky. God damn it!”

At first, the community of drivers was willing to overlook the incident, blaming it on freshman naivety and ignorance. But as the new school year progressed, they could not fail to see Reed’s constant selfish and ridiculous actions.

Newly-hired Capital Metro driver Jackson Kennedy declared, “I was happy and optimistic about my new job…until I met that son-of-a-bitch Taylor and his ignorant attitude. Every day that little bastard pulls the wire even after it says ‘Stop Requested’. You only have to pull it once. He’s the reason I dread coming to work,” Kennedy sighed. “Every day.”

By mid-September, all ten bus drivers working the Forty Acres route were praying not to have Reed ride their bus. Driver Al Mitchell recounted once successfully closing the doors just before Reed finished running toward his vehicle. However, the 35-year-old driver was forced to  reopen the door for a handicapped person, enabling Reed to enter both the bus and the special, dark place in Mitchell’s angry heart.

By the beginning of October, two drivers had quit their jobs and another has entered counseling. These events were the harbinger of the ultimate “Taylor Fuck-up” last Thursday when the bus had to wait three minutes at a crowded West Campus stop so Taylor could pick up his belongings scattered across the aisle when he mistakenly left his backpack open.

Private sector employees are not the only ones negatively affected by Reed’s actions. State employees at the university, especially professors and staff members, have special ire for young Taylor. Bennett Saleh, his Turkish Government and Politics instructor, has resorted to taking his bifocal eyeglasses off during lectures so he can avoid seeing Reed, who sits in the middle row. As of press time, Taylor’s academic advisor is pretending to have a heart attack to avoid their meeting.