NYC Standup

The Texas Travesty visited the Big Apple to tell train jokes.

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Around Campus

I’m a stress vegetarian.
Your roommate’s beta fish becomes the first of his kind to receive too much attention.
OH SHIT! I’ve had WinRaR on my computer for more than 40 days! What if they find out?!
Leslie AND the Wendy’s guy moved away. They plan to start an entire family for RTF majors to film patronizing documentaries about.
The campus smoking ban will decrease campus sexiness by 47%.
Dude, let’s go play cakeball.
On a recent trip to her date’s bathroom, environmentalist Terri Johnson will be torn between masking poop sounds and wasting water.
Well, my mom found UTexas memes.
Remember Greeks, high schoolers are discouraged from attending Round-Up weekend. So please discourage them with bright colors, free beer, and Wiz Khalifa.
Chingo Bling will be visiting campus to give a speech. That’s funny, right?
UT has made camping on campus illegal. Sorry, Xzibit.
I’m craving southwestern-style chicken eggrolls. Do you want to eat out or in?
Austin is the live music capital of the world. So basically, Austin is the Beijing of live music.
Even if they sold clitoris lollipops, its not like guys could ever find them.
I love sharing Google Docs because watching someone type makes me feel like I’m in So Weird.
But I’m 21 by credit hours!
After 500 episodes, Bart Simpson doesn’t look a day over season 7.
Those business majors always wanna starch shit.
Happy birthday! Make love by cake candlelight, fatty.
Youyous are predictably not as popular as memes.
5-year-old Tommy Patel attempts to conceals his crayon error by smudging another color over it.
You can’t call yourself a physicist. That’s a title you earn. Like knighthood.
A lonely Econ major will find optimization of self interest with ‘visible hand’
I don’t give a shit what they put in Taco Bell meat until I take a shit.

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The Texas Travesty is the student humor publication of the University of Texas at Austin, published monthly by the permanent and contributing staff. The Travesty is a work of (hopefully) humorous fiction. Except where public figures are involved, characters are not based on any real person. Any resemblence to any persons living or dead is coincidental. The views expressed in the Travesty do not reflect the views of Texas Student Media, the University of Texas at Austin, or pretty much anyone. All material printed is property of the Travesty. The Texas Travesty is not intended for readers under 18 years of age, regardless of the pretty pictures.