Texas Travesty | What Are You Laughing At?

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February

February, 2012

I’m a stress vegetarian. Your roommate’s beta fish becomes the first of his kind to receive too much attention. OH SHIT! I’ve had WinRaR on my computer for more than 40 days! What if they find out?! Leslie AND the Wendy’s guy moved away. They plan to start an entire family for RTF majors to [...]

January/February Around Campus

February, 2012

• Hey baby, can I take you out to the VIP dining line sometime? • My bowels move like Jagger. • No shirt, no shoes, no service animals, or something like that… • J. Edgar is about vacuums, right? • I’m allergic to fire. I break out in agony. • This is not a Beauty and the [...]

Around Campus November 2011

November, 2011

• Junior Edward March tried to walk a straight line for the officer, but you can only do so much with 7 toes. • Does my breath taste bad or is it just my lips? • The weather may have cooled off but those freshman are still in heat. • This weekend’s Father-daughter outing quickly [...]

Around Campus September 2011

October, 2011

•We mixed rum with a Pepsi Throwback. Now, it’s a Pepsi THROWED-BACK. #36mafia • What do you mean I can’t refer to them as “the help”? • NOTICE: SIGNS HAVE CHANGED. • You think gay chicken is uncomfortable? Wait until you play straight cock. • Construction workers will complain about the amount of school everywhere. [...]

Around Campus April 2011

April, 2011

• My roommate is an art student and she was looking at these pictures and they were really complicated and obtuse and sort of out there and…okay, they were butt plugs. • Yup, still drunk. • Man, that Whataburger’s seen some shit. • What was a better sequel: The Godfather part 2 or World War [...]

Around Campus March 2011

March, 2011

• I play softball like I have sex: In really tight shorts and surprisingly well. Also, all my friends get together and chant for me. • Women who hang out constantly will find their iPhones miraculously synced. • As a result of a particularly fruitful Round Up weekend, quite a few Frat Daddies are becoming [...]

February 2011 Around Campus

February, 2011

• No, Taco Cabana Rapido doesn’t refer to the resulting bowel movements. • Do these tights go with this oversized t-shirt, or this oversized t-shirt? Fashion is hard. • Man, these bagels at the Hillel brunch taste like stereotypes. • Pflugerville? More like Pflboogersville! • I like when guys shop in class because I’m like, [...]

Around Campus November/December 2010

November, 2010

• No, dude- it’s Wooten barber shop. Trust me, you don’t want Method Man cutting your hair. • Is it too late to see Jackass 3D? I heard there was poop. • Is it too late to vote? I heard there was poop. • Are those Mountain Dew White Out commercials racist? Please help! • [...]

October 2010 Around Campus

October, 2010

• Bro, I’m going to nurture the shit out of this puppy. • Hi, person I don’t know and wouldn’t be able to identify to campus police, could you watch my stuff real quick? • More honest students will sport an “I did no research!” sticker underneath their “I voted!” one. • That’s a sweet [...]

Around Campus September 2010

September, 2010

• Gregory, Schmegory. • Hey bro I’m kinda full. Wanna share this beer? • Jimmy John’s? More like “fast sandwiches.” • A Quad filled with grass? What is this, A&M? • You haven’t heard independent music until you listen to some Ben Harper. • All things considered, the crazy straw doesn’t do much for this [...]

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Around Campus

I’m a stress vegetarian.
Your roommate’s beta fish becomes the first of his kind to receive too much attention.
OH SHIT! I’ve had WinRaR on my computer for more than 40 days! What if they find out?!
Leslie AND the Wendy’s guy moved away. They plan to start an entire family for RTF majors to film patronizing documentaries about.
The campus smoking ban will decrease campus sexiness by 47%.
Dude, let’s go play cakeball.
On a recent trip to her date’s bathroom, environmentalist Terri Johnson will be torn between masking poop sounds and wasting water.
Well, my mom found UTexas memes.
Remember Greeks, high schoolers are discouraged from attending Round-Up weekend. So please discourage them with bright colors, free beer, and Wiz Khalifa.
Chingo Bling will be visiting campus to give a speech. That’s funny, right?
UT has made camping on campus illegal. Sorry, Xzibit.
I’m craving southwestern-style chicken eggrolls. Do you want to eat out or in?
Austin is the live music capital of the world. So basically, Austin is the Beijing of live music.
Even if they sold clitoris lollipops, its not like guys could ever find them.
I love sharing Google Docs because watching someone type makes me feel like I’m in So Weird.
But I’m 21 by credit hours!
After 500 episodes, Bart Simpson doesn’t look a day over season 7.
Those business majors always wanna starch shit.
Happy birthday! Make love by cake candlelight, fatty.
Youyous are predictably not as popular as memes.
5-year-old Tommy Patel attempts to conceals his crayon error by smudging another color over it.
You can’t call yourself a physicist. That’s a title you earn. Like knighthood.
A lonely Econ major will find optimization of self interest with ‘visible hand’
I don’t give a shit what they put in Taco Bell meat until I take a shit.