Idiot Consensus agrees: Secession would be fuckin' sweet

AUSTIN — After enduring three months of excessive federal-government spending and intrusions into states' rights, Texans, led by Governor Rick Perry, have been left with no choice but to do one the most incredibly stupid things ever.

During a "tea-party" protest last week, Perry announced his severe disappointment with President Obama, citing his unabashed dismissal of states' sovereignty as his reason for proudly supporting the most ill-envisaged, embarrassingly moronic idea in recent Texas history.

"Texans have had enough," said Perry to a throng of supporters who took to heart whatever asinine things Perry had to say. "We have the right to secede. If things in Washington keeps going the way they're going, it might come to that."

"Texas will once again be a sovereign state," added Perry as thousands of supporters of his dumb idea erupted in cheers.

The statements came shortly after Perry rejected $550 million in stimulus money in an attempt to keep a state in the United States of America as detached as possible from the United States of America. Although many Texans have voiced opinions in favor of stability and reason, Perry believes it is in the best interest of all Texans to hatch far-fetched plans to ruin the shit out of the economic interconnectivity between Texas and the rest of the United States.

"I don't want to be part of a country where a man like Barack Hussein Obama can take all my hard earned money away from me," said Bill Farnsworth, who is one of the more vocal members of Texas' idiot demographic. "We don't need America!"

While it is true that Texans like Farnsworth are stupid for listening to Perry's calls for secession, some of Perry's followers support him in spite of his unintelligible ideas.

"I can't say no to a man who's that charming and handsome," said Linda Flanders, who voted for Perry over Chris Bell in 2006 because of his superior mop of hair. "If a gorgeous man like that tells me to secede, then by golly, I'll secede."

While Perry and many of his supporters have yet to figure out the fact that Texas is constitutionally prohibited from seceding from the Union, they plan to continue to cry for secession because it makes them sound tough and rebellious. "We didn't mean it when we said how great America was for the past eight years," said unintelligent secession supporter Jerry Blackmore. "Fuck America."