Academic Calendar
August 25 – The day you empty your bank account and realize you will be in debt for the next 20 years
August 26 – Classes start sometime around here
August 27 – The first night you have to reach for your mace while walking across campus at night.
September 10 – Last official add/drop day for carry-over summer romances
September 25 – The day you realize you’re not going to have as much sex as the college students in movies
October 24 – You return home for the first time to discover your room has been turned into a baby room for your parents’ new accident.
November 26-28 – Thanksgiving Break: time to gather enough turkey sandwiches to get you through January
December 25 – Day with the fat guy and all the white stuff
February 3 – 12th class day: Official enrollment count is taken
February 4 – 13th Class day: The day you regret all of the classes you enrolled in
March 2 – Probably a saint's day or something
March 15-20 – National Herpes Contraction Week
May 4 – The day you settle for a mediocre internship
May 7 – Last Class Day - Everyone sign each other's yearbooks!
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- At least your Prius will be fuel efficient and environmentally friendly while it’s rapidly accelerating through the streets killing people.
- We’ll take this opportunity to jinx our basketball team. We’re calling it: UT Basketball National Championship 2010!
- That douchebag in the study room still thinks everyone loves listening to him play piano.
- Congratulations to Jordan Shipley for finally earning enough credits to graduate!
- Doppelganger week was a remarkable study in the vast divide between how beautiful you think you are versus how average you actually look in real life. Yes, I’m specifically referring
to you. - Thanks, UT Safety alert, but I don’t need an auxiliary reason to run screaming from the RLM.
- When there’s beer in the basement, frat guys stand adjacent.
- Realizing that he only has a few short months left in office, SG President Liam O’Rourke will use his authority to create an even larger cardboard cutout of himself in the Co-Op.
- As long as you maintain your proud tradition of attractive young women in athletic shorts, you can lose as many bowl games as you like, UT.
- Students anxious to see J.D. Salinger’s last essays in the Harry Ransom Center will be disappointed to find that they’re just Animorphs fan fictions.
- HEY GUYS SERIOUSLY COME USE THE LIBERAL ARTS WRITING CENTER IT’S SUPER HELPFUL I’M SERIOUS!!!!!
- Trust me bro, with every second of awkward eye contact on the bus, you’re winning her heart.
- Inside jokes will increase 22% over the next semester. Ain’t that right, Tony? Yyyyeah.
- If you thought you could just sleep through every lecture this semester and squeak by with an A, you were right. High-five.
- Turns out the study abroad assistant didn’t have an accent; that was a speech impediment. You did a funny impression, though.
- Your success in a Pass/Fail is merely dependent on whether you plan to get stoned all semester and eat Doritos in class or get stoned all semester and eat Doritos at home.
- It wasn’t very becoming of Kansas State to chant “We Own Texas!” after they beat us. At least we had the class to refrain from chanting “We Own Indoor Plumbing!” in response.
- Everyone on campus let out a commemorative “Ah fuck!” as the twelfth day of classes whizzed by once again.
