Student to join whichever organization serves Jimmy John’s at meetings
CAMPUS—After attending meetings for various student organizations across campus, Sam Manhower decided to join the one that serves Jimmy John’s at every meeting. “It was a tough decision,” said Manhower as he put an extra roast-beef sandwich into his backpack. “I can’t tell you how close I was to joining the one that serves Chipotle. It was one of the most difficult decisions I’ve had to make in college.” As of press time, Manhower was seen exiting a UEC meeting holding two party-trays of assorted fruits and dips.
Search For More Funny
- At least your Prius will be fuel efficient and environmentally friendly while it’s rapidly accelerating through the streets killing people.
- We’ll take this opportunity to jinx our basketball team. We’re calling it: UT Basketball National Championship 2010!
- That douchebag in the study room still thinks everyone loves listening to him play piano.
- Congratulations to Jordan Shipley for finally earning enough credits to graduate!
- Doppelganger week was a remarkable study in the vast divide between how beautiful you think you are versus how average you actually look in real life. Yes, I’m specifically referring
to you. - Thanks, UT Safety alert, but I don’t need an auxiliary reason to run screaming from the RLM.
- When there’s beer in the basement, frat guys stand adjacent.
- Realizing that he only has a few short months left in office, SG President Liam O’Rourke will use his authority to create an even larger cardboard cutout of himself in the Co-Op.
- As long as you maintain your proud tradition of attractive young women in athletic shorts, you can lose as many bowl games as you like, UT.
- Students anxious to see J.D. Salinger’s last essays in the Harry Ransom Center will be disappointed to find that they’re just Animorphs fan fictions.
- HEY GUYS SERIOUSLY COME USE THE LIBERAL ARTS WRITING CENTER IT’S SUPER HELPFUL I’M SERIOUS!!!!!
- Trust me bro, with every second of awkward eye contact on the bus, you’re winning her heart.
- Inside jokes will increase 22% over the next semester. Ain’t that right, Tony? Yyyyeah.
- If you thought you could just sleep through every lecture this semester and squeak by with an A, you were right. High-five.
- Turns out the study abroad assistant didn’t have an accent; that was a speech impediment. You did a funny impression, though.
- Your success in a Pass/Fail is merely dependent on whether you plan to get stoned all semester and eat Doritos in class or get stoned all semester and eat Doritos at home.
- It wasn’t very becoming of Kansas State to chant “We Own Texas!” after they beat us. At least we had the class to refrain from chanting “We Own Indoor Plumbing!” in response.
- Everyone on campus let out a commemorative “Ah fuck!” as the twelfth day of classes whizzed by once again.
