China was the first to recognize the importance of black, juxtaposing it with its counterpart, white, in its famous “Yin and Yang.” Philosophers were then forced to decide whether white or black was preeminent—their answer resounded. From that point on, the world recognized the non-contingency of black, giving it a certain incorrigible attitude that made it a total badass. Knights who adorned themselves in black armor sent chills down the spines of their enemies and Medieval Times attendees alike.

Black then had a change of heart, becoming an indicator of elegance among gentry. Eventually, it joined forces with white once more and dominated the film scene in black and white movies. Creative differences led to black’s virtual elimination from film, with its previously dominant role being given to virtually all other colors in the spectrum. Black then turned to academia, providing scholars a proper background on which to transcribe their formulas with the creation of “black boards.”

Since this time, black has continued to be a staple in world culture, maintaining a monopoly in both outer space and Hot Topic.

Famous Black Figures

The Sharpie Marker

Since its inception in the sixties, the black Sharpie has built a dominant empire in the marker world. Most people know the black Sharpie from its crucial roles in the redacting of CIA documents, labeling cups at parties, marking the hands of underage kids at clubs, and drawing penises on unconscious drunk people. While it seemed like tough times might be ahead with the introduction of new Sharpie colors, the fears were misplaced; when it came to markers, people put their trust in black. Today, the black Sharpie is the most beloved of markers, and it has become a beacon of light in the black ink community.

The Little Black Dress

The year was 1920. Coco Chanel was hard at work designing a tailored black blouse, when all of the sudden it hit her: the little black dress. Chanel worked quickly to lengthen the blouse into a dress and started a worldwide phenomenon. It became nearly impossible to attend a formal event without running into numerous women donning the new fashion statement. As the dress continued to gain popularity, knock-offs began to crop up, such as the mini black dress, the holy-shit-that-is-ridiculously-small black dress, and the anorexic black dress. Today, the little black dress holds a place in the hearts of most, and an even more important place in the eyes of the boyfriends of the hotties wearing them.

Famous Dates In Black History

15,000,000,000 BCE—The color black was born and given the name Ebonus Wylde Blackstein
500,000,000 BCE—The very first "black hole" sets a precedent for future generations of deep space holes
CE 1717—Captain Blackbeard outlasts beats out Captain Redbeard for the Best Colored Beard award
1893—Good & Plenty makes inexplicable departure from typical conventions in the licorice community by adding Purple and White coloring to their licorice candies. Many experts say that this act irreversibly tainted the reputation of licorice
1899—The color black revolutionizes the culinary community by introducing Cajun Blackened fish
October 29, 1929—Black Tuesday: This was a plot by the color red to disgrace and embarrass the color black by associating it with huge losses in the stock market, a reversal of black's previous association with profits
1948—Lewis Black is born, and the color black is momentarily associated with angry old men who yell too much and are inexplicably given shows on television
1950—Black becomes the official color worn by judges, which replaced the prior clothing precedent of boxer briefs and tie-dye T-shirts
1966—"Paint it Black" becomes the national anthem for the color black and is sung at all major black coloring events
1975—The CMYK color model revolutionizes black from the color-oppressive RGB in all software for designers
1983-1988—Dark Age in black history begins when blue was named “the new black” by the fashion industry
1990—Metallica honors black by dedicating their album to the color
1999—Blackberry makes the historic decision to name their cellular phone Blackberry instead of Blueberry
2001—The FTC investigates Hot Topic for monopolization of black in its products
2004—Legumes known as black-eyed peas are popularized and become so famous that a band with no musical talent goes to the top solely by being associated with it
2006—Amy Winehouse releases the album "Back to Black," uses a kit from Target to dye her hair black, and immediately injects a gram of black tar heroin into her forearm